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5 Top Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

/ January 18, 2012 / Relationship Problems and Solutions to Those Problems /5 Comments

Relationship Killers Text RomanceFailed relationships can be devastating. Most people spend months and sometimes years wondering what exactly went wrong and if there is anything they could have done to save the relationship. While not all relationships can be saved, there are some definite relationship killers that all happy couples should avoid like the plague.

Dishonesty

Dishonesty destroys trust within relationships regardless of whether the liar gets caught or not. Like the old adage goes, no one is more suspicious than a liar. Studies show that 80% of all married people within the United States lie about money. It’s no wonder that 50% of these marriages end in divorce. If you want to save your relationship, learn since the beginning of the relationship how to tell the truth.

Controlling Behavior or Jealousy

The fear of losing a partner is the leading cause of jealousy and controlling behavior in relationships. Jealousy manifests itself as anger, blame and judgment and with time, the partner who is being controlled becomes resentful of the controlling partner. This inevitably causes the relationship to come to an end. If you are afraid of losing your partner or having your partner taken away from you, you need to find out where that fear is coming from and deal with it before it destroys your relationship.

Addictions

Nothing ends relationships faster than substance and process addictions. Addictions can be quite diverse including drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, porn, sex and work. People use addictions as a way to deal with the pain in their lives or to fill a void within their lives. The only way to keep addictions from destroying your relationship is to actually deal with the pain and emptiness instead of trying to cover it up.

Needy Behavior

If you believe that your partner is your world, then sooner or later you are going to display needy behavior. Just like the people who suffer from substance addictions, clingy people believe that their partners will fill the void and emptiness within their lives. Needy people expect their partners to make them happy and when that doesn’t happen, they become resentful towards them. In order to avoid being needy and clingy, one must take responsibility for his or her own happiness and quit constantly demanding attention from his or her partner.

Selfishness

Relationships can only last long if the needs of the two individuals within the relationship are being met. This means that if one of the individuals is selfish and is entirely focused on themselves, the relationship will come to an end, sooner or later. Granted, pushing our wants aside for someone else’s sake isn’t always fun but it is a price we have to pay if we want to be in a relationship.

Many of the above mentioned relationship killers are brought about by fear. Such fear and concern most of the time arises from our past relationships. If you want a long lasting relationship, you need to take responsibility for your feelings and needs. If you need to see a therapist or counselor so as to deal with some of the issues from your past, don’t hesitate to do it.

About the Author:

Ashley Nelson enjoys giving relationship advice to couples so that their relationships can last long and their dreams of a beautiful garden wedding complete with garden wedding favors can come true.


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Are You Letting Love Hold You Back From Happiness?

/ January 10, 2012 / Relationship Problems and Solutions to Those Problems /0 Comments

Sometimes Love is Not Enough

Love is Blind

Are You Blinded by Love?

You may have heard the expression that love is blind, and while it holds some good merit later in the relationship that is not always the case when we first meet someone.

When we first meet someone we normally size them up as we would with anything we are investing in for the long-term future. We see what they can offer us in terms of happiness, companionship, and even financial stability. We base our attraction on the finding of our research and decide whether they are worth pursuing more or whether we should avoid the person and move on. And they are doing the same thing. I know it sounds harsh or robotic but it’s the truth

Putting Our Best Face Forward

Most of us spend our first impression and first few dates trying to convince our potential love interest that they will be getting a good deal if they choose us. We are on our best behavior. We are wearing our most flattering clothes. We are trying to say all the right things and do all the right things to ensure this person see’s us as a good candidate for their life.

Now if love was really blind then we wouldn’t have to put on our best behavior in the start. We would instead let it all hang out for the other person to see. We would do all of our disgusting habits in front of them and we would act as we do when we are sitting at home on a Monday night. But we don’t do that until later in the relationship. This is when love really becomes blind.

Putting Our Best Face Away

Later in the relationship, after we have hooked our love interest firmly into our lives, we stat to let our true colors shine through. All of our annoying habits and traits that only our mother could love start to come out.

This is when our partner see’s through many of our ‘faults’ and instead views us for who we really are inside. They look past the things that normally turn off a new love interest and instead focus on the things that are important to them in the relationship like security, companionship, and being loved.

That’s called being in love and accepting your partner for who they are. That’s where most happy relationship end up.

When The Worst Comes Out

Of course there is an exception to this happily-ever-after rule. Sometimes the person loses their best behavior only to reveal a nasty and ugly behavior beneath it. This could take the form of abuse, cheating, or addiction. This is when many people struggle with their relationship and whether to stay in it or not.

In fact most people do not let their love blind them from the truth of what their partner is doing to them  and their relationship. Instead they either start fighting with their partner and live in unhappiness, try to make the relationship work, or leave their partner because love is not enough in that situation.

But some people stay even when the relationship doesn’t change. They stay even though their partner’s ‘ugly face’ is REALLY ugly! They literally let their love for this person blind them from how unhealthy the relationship is and how unhappy they really are. This is when the love is blind rule becomes a problem!

Are you someone who is staying in the relationship solely on love? Love is not always enough. If you are being abused either mentally or physically of if you are unhappy then you owe it to yourself to be honest and take action towards having a better relationship OR finding a better relationship.

Don’t use the excuse of love to let your relationship take advantage of you and your life. That’s not fair to you.

Unhealthy relationships can be hard to leave when you are in love with the person. But remember that just because you are in love, it doesn’t mean you have to be blind!

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Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

/ January 5, 2012 / Relationship Problems and Solutions to Those Problems /0 Comments

The Stigma of Relationship Counseling is Hooey

Relationship CounselingMany couples turn to relationship counseling as a last resort when things are going badly, but relationship counseling can, and should, be used when a couple just can’t get past something – whether they are at their wits end or just struggling to move past an issue.

There’s no reason to be scared of it! Even if you think that your relationship doesn’t need counseling because it’s not a ‘big’ deal, you may be surprised at what relationship counseling can do for you. It can help you iron out those ‘small’ issues and move on to a happier and healthier relationship. And sometimes catching those small issues with what prevents the ‘big’ issues from arising in the first place.

Relationship counseling is getting less of a stigma for ‘failing’ or ‘not being able to do it yourself’ and more of a positive tone to it that speaks of trying to get help to save the relationship and nothing more. Seeking help shows that you care about the relationship. That’s it. It shows that you are willing to do what it takes to save your relationship and that you understand that someone else may be able to offer you a better solution then you can see on your own.

I remember years ago that relationship counseling was avoided because of embarrassment. Unfortunately many of these people ended up in divorce because they couldn’t save the relationship on their own. What’s more embarrassing – going through a messy divorce or getting some help to save your relationship? I dunno – it just makes sense to me.

Even my mother-in-law believes that relationship problems should be swept under the table. That’s ridiculous! Bad relationships don’t have to be ‘just the way it is’, they can be much more if you go out and seek help – like relationship counseling.

How to Ask Your Partner To Go To Relationship Counseling


So okay, you’ve moved past the fear and shame of asking for relationship counseling and realize that it may be the best thing for your relationship – period! Now how do you ask your partner to go to relationship counseling?

Without Judgment

If you rush your partner and demand that you go to relationship counseling to fix their problems so that you can get on with your relationship then you will not be very convincing. The problem is that you don’t even have to say it like that to make it look like you are blaming them; all you have to do is just imply that you are considering relationship counseling to fix them and they will be weary of going.

Your best bet is to approach them about the subject from a personal tone. Tell them that you would like relationship counseling because you are not sure how to deal with your issues or the relationship anymore. Let them know that you think the relationship will benefit from it so that you can both be happy in the relationship again.

Make Relationship Counseling Benefit Them

Your spouse will be more willing to go to relationship counseling if they see that it will benefit them in some way. It’s just human nature.

Let them know that you want to learn to be a better partner and you need them by your side in order to do that. They will clearly see the benefit of you ironing out your issues in the relationship, and may even begin to see the benefit of them ironing out their issues as well.

Let them know that you just want to be able to make the relationship work with less bumps, fights, headaches, and instead with more happiness. They will clearly see the benefit in that!

Note: If you want more ways to persuade your partner then click here and read this article on how to persuade people easily and effortlessly.

Remember: Don’t be scared to ask your partner to go to relationship counseling. It doesn’t matter how long you have been together, how small or big you think you relationship problems are, or what other people will think…this is about your relationship and the success of it. If you want your relationship to succeed then relationship counseling may be the answer for you!

It’s better to fix your issues now, today, and be happy tomorrow than it is to spend the next day, month, or year being unhappy.

And if your partner won’t go with you then go to relationship counseling on your own. You will still get the benefit of realizing what you are doing wrong in the relationship and once you start to change yourself your partner will be forced to change with you. Heck, they may even want to go to relationship counseling once they see the progress you are making in yourself.

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