Do You Really Want Your Ex Throwing Stuff At You?
Are you seriously contemplating inviting your Ex to your wedding? While it is understandable that this is the 21st century and that everyone should be able to act in a mature and responsible manner regardless of past relationships, there is a lot to consider before actually making the decision of whether to go ahead and send the invitation or whether to take the risk of hurt feelings and leave them off the guest list.
Just How Close Were You?
While this may seem like a very personal question, it is definitely something that you will want to ask yourself when you are contemplating adding your ex to the guest list. Were you simply dating, or were you involved physically? Did you live together for a period of time, or was it more or less a long-distance relationship? The answers to these questions can determine whether or not it would be appropriate to invite him to the wedding, especially when you take into consideration the way the relationship ended and your current status.
How Did It End?
Did you and your ex break up amicably? Was it a mutual decision or did one or the other of you get your feelings hurt badly? Sometimes even if it seems as if the other party took the break-up well there can be buried anger and resentments that can re-surface during an event as emotionally potent as a wedding, so think it through.
Are You Currently Friends?
There are plenty of relationships that end for one reason or another and may even be tense for a while afterwards, but eventually you and your ex may have become friends. If you are in regular contact with your ex and he and your fiancé have met and seem to get along then it is probably safe to assume that an invitation to your wedding would A) not come as a shock and B) be accepted and attended with good grace.
What is His Relationship Status?
If your ex has gone on to get a life of his own acquiring a new girlfriend or even having gotten married himself and you are on speaking terms then a wedding invitation may not be the time bomb it could be if he is still single and nursing resentments for the breakup.
While the above questions should help you in determining whether it is ‘safe’ to invite your ex to your wedding, keep in mind that there are always circumstances where it simply cannot be helped. If you are marrying into your ex’s family (such as a brother or cousin), if his current girlfriend is one of your attendants, or he is the son of one of your parent’s close friends then not including him on the wedding invitation could always hurt more feelings than having him show up resentful could do for wedding.
Whatever you do, don’t make a decision without thinking through all the possible aspects involved; all the circumstances that led to your breakup and the possibilities that inviting him (or not inviting him) could possibly hold for you and your peace of mind.
This article was written by Sarah Rigos, founder of Starlight Registry, a leading online wedding registry website.
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Hi Sarah and Bellaisa,
This was a really good post!
I’m not married yet, but I’m going to be sure to remember these points.
To me, two safe options as you mentioned are inviting your ex if the both of you are friends and if you are sure that he/she has moved on in life either through a new girlfriend/boyfriend or married.
It’s a tricky one, but with some thought can be handled.
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I’ve had some friends who have had exes at their weddings, and they thought it would be fine, but it wasn’t. There was this weird tension throughout the day between them – and it was obvious to their partners as well. I don’t know – it’s all about how many feelings are left.
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